Time to meet the oncologist who will be directing the next stages of my recovery. Dr. McNamara entered the room, my file in his hand. He had already run my “cancer numbers” in a computer program and was prepared to discuss the next stages of recovery. Surgery, along with radiation, would get me a 93% cure rating. Now, we discussed how to increase that number to 95-96%, and whether chemotherapy or hormone therapy would be the best alternative. We decided to do two more blood tests in order to make the most educated decision possible. My results will be known on January 21.
Along with the official details (tumor characteristics, age, family history…etc) he also opened the conversation about the emotional healing involved. He chatted about how most women my age don’t have to deal with this situation, and how it’s okay to cry and have a bad day sometimes. Cancer, and the fear it, will never go away and will be something I will live with for the rest of my life. It was like he was giving me permission to fall apart and crumble. And a few hours later, I did. There had definitely been moments before that were difficult, but I was always able to recover fairly quickly. Today, I couldn’t seem to shake the sadness as I realized that cancer wasn’t going away anytime soon. Sleep brought the only reprieve.
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
Helen Keller
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